nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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