you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize