New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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