So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shame is for Republicans.
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