I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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