Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
