I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
