At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
