Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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