Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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