i don't like sucking hair
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
