Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There are leaves in my underwear?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
