Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
its liver damage thursday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
