So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
