my mouth tastes like poor choices
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
