I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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