No awkward lesbian experiences without me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
