yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
