I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
