I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
