I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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