Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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