i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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