Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
