Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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