I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
