I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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