apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
