It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
