bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
