I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
