Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
