she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
