Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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