She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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