I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish you could order shots online.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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