I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
