I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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