you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
