Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
