She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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