i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
