Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
