one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
