wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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