i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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