i already hear my dad disowning me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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