I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
