my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
