i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
