If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
