you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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