First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
