No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
