You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
