Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while