Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
