I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
