If that was your dad, he is hot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
