Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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