if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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