According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
