There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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