in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
