yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My cat gives me a boner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
