I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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