I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
