I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
