YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
