This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There are leaves in my underwear?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
