I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
