I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
